Right now I am anything but the Proverbs Wife. I am so far from her that she seems but a dream. Here is my question, would a "Proverbs Wife" ever have a meltdown? I would say no, but with all the balls she juggles how is it avoidable? Maybe her relationship with the Lord is such that she never has the need, or maybe she just lives in an alternate reality.
I on the other hand am doing everything to keep it together. I feel like my sanity is hanging by a thread and who knows what at any point may snap it. Here in lies the problem, I can't afford for it to snap. I feel like if I actually let myself have a meltdown it would all fall apart. If I did what I really wanted to do, I would hole up and cry for several hours, then jump in my car and leave it all behind, but where would that leave everyone else? It would be satisfying for a short while...a day or two at most. Then I would miss my husband and would then be even more frustrated that he hadn't followed me. It also would be a terrible example to my daughter and sister.
So what is the answer? Prayer, prayer, and then more prayer. I am reading the book of Ephesians right now, maybe answers also lie in there. If I dive in to God fully and completely then He can be the one that I fall apart to, and He will not let me stay broken but will put me back together...I think that sounds like a good idea, I do believe I will try that for now.
Question: Does the Proverbs Wife breakdown?
My Answer: Yes, but she breaks down with the Lord and He puts her back together.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Change of Plans
"She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor." Proverbs 31:20 The Message Bible
So my original thought was to go through Proverbs 31 thought by thought, in chronological order of course, but plans change.
Once when it was raining and I was dropping my daughter off at school there were two ladies walking across the parking lot from the bus stop to an office building, there is a group of people that do this regularly. Anyways these two ladies were struggling under one umbrella and I heard almost audibly..."give her the umbrella.." Me: "God that's my special umbrella that I got on vacation" God: "Give her the umbrella" Me: "I love that umbrella" God: (there was silence) Me: "oh fine then" and I handed her my favorite special umbrella out the window.
Today on our way home I saw 7 Eleven from the left lane and it was of course on the right, so on impulse I asked B (my daughter) if she wanted a Slurpee...answer was of course yes. We pull in and there was a couple sitting out front asking for change. My first thought was to get inside without being noticed. So we are inside and I am struggling on whether to buy them something or let it go. More often then not they're addicts anyway...right? So we get our Slurpees and rush back out to the car, again without being approached. I sit in the parking lot and struggle to leave, so I went back in bought a sandwich, cup of fruit, and two waters. I just kept hearing "when you give unto the least of these" over and over in my head. So food and water bought, I sent B to the car and gave them the sack, without the receipt of course, and prayed that I had planted a seed that would benefit us in the coming months.
That's something a Proverb's wife/women would do right?
So my original thought was to go through Proverbs 31 thought by thought, in chronological order of course, but plans change.
Once when it was raining and I was dropping my daughter off at school there were two ladies walking across the parking lot from the bus stop to an office building, there is a group of people that do this regularly. Anyways these two ladies were struggling under one umbrella and I heard almost audibly..."give her the umbrella.." Me: "God that's my special umbrella that I got on vacation" God: "Give her the umbrella" Me: "I love that umbrella" God: (there was silence) Me: "oh fine then" and I handed her my favorite special umbrella out the window.
Today on our way home I saw 7 Eleven from the left lane and it was of course on the right, so on impulse I asked B (my daughter) if she wanted a Slurpee...answer was of course yes. We pull in and there was a couple sitting out front asking for change. My first thought was to get inside without being noticed. So we are inside and I am struggling on whether to buy them something or let it go. More often then not they're addicts anyway...right? So we get our Slurpees and rush back out to the car, again without being approached. I sit in the parking lot and struggle to leave, so I went back in bought a sandwich, cup of fruit, and two waters. I just kept hearing "when you give unto the least of these" over and over in my head. So food and water bought, I sent B to the car and gave them the sack, without the receipt of course, and prayed that I had planted a seed that would benefit us in the coming months.
That's something a Proverb's wife/women would do right?
Thursday, July 15, 2010
The Journey Begins..or it began sometime back in the Spring
So at some point this past Spring I started to get ready for my "wilderness journey". Priscilla Shirer said in her Bible study "One in a Million" we have to be prepared to follow God through our "wilderness" to reach the full extent of His power. So here I am 3-4 months later...following God through my "wilderness"...I had no idea at the time what was fixing to be asked of me.
I am now in between jobs and trying my best to fight for my marriage.
In the beginning of June I was given the option...no we will call it the opportunity...to start work on my alternative teacher's certification here in Texas. I was given the month of July off with pay, I was also told I wouldn't be coming back in August. At least I was able to resign on my terms. So here I am...I am done with classroom training and working fast and furious on my online training and I take my content test on Monday. My goal is to be able to start applying for jobs by the end of next week. I feel I am following where the Lord is leading, but it is still scary just the same, what if my job doesn't come until October or November and He asks me and my family to depend on him until then...that is something I have never had to do before.
So as if this weren't enough I then discovered that my marriage hit a major roadblock. I being the wonderful nosey person I am, uncovered several things. Yes, this stuff all needed to come to light but still the process of it totally sucks. No, I am not at all ready to leave my marriage...well most of the time anyway...but I am staying to fight. I will not let the enemy make me a statistic. Instead I will figure out what my part is and fix it. I/we have a counseling appointment next week...I have started to read several books, right now it is the book "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn...and I have Proverbs 31 printed on card stock in both the Message and NIV translations - thank you sister in law - So I figure this is a good starting and growing place.
He WILL bring me through this...He promised.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
I am now in between jobs and trying my best to fight for my marriage.
In the beginning of June I was given the option...no we will call it the opportunity...to start work on my alternative teacher's certification here in Texas. I was given the month of July off with pay, I was also told I wouldn't be coming back in August. At least I was able to resign on my terms. So here I am...I am done with classroom training and working fast and furious on my online training and I take my content test on Monday. My goal is to be able to start applying for jobs by the end of next week. I feel I am following where the Lord is leading, but it is still scary just the same, what if my job doesn't come until October or November and He asks me and my family to depend on him until then...that is something I have never had to do before.
So as if this weren't enough I then discovered that my marriage hit a major roadblock. I being the wonderful nosey person I am, uncovered several things. Yes, this stuff all needed to come to light but still the process of it totally sucks. No, I am not at all ready to leave my marriage...well most of the time anyway...but I am staying to fight. I will not let the enemy make me a statistic. Instead I will figure out what my part is and fix it. I/we have a counseling appointment next week...I have started to read several books, right now it is the book "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn...and I have Proverbs 31 printed on card stock in both the Message and NIV translations - thank you sister in law - So I figure this is a good starting and growing place.
He WILL bring me through this...He promised.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
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